Can't

My older sister would always tell me " can't is a bigger curse word than fuck" and I always let it pass through my ears, roll my eyes, and think in my head of the long list of shit " I can't" do. I'm slowly learning that my sister was right this whole time. The only reason I "couldn't" do certain things was simply because I told myself I couldn't. I'm understanding that in order to accomplish whatever I want to, I , solely, have to believe I can do it first.

Yesterday I went to crossfit after being away from the box for four days ( felt like a year, honestly ) and my ego was handed to me on a silver platter. Before the WOD we did skill work...double unders, and handstands. Would you believe me if I told you that I can one rep max a back squat at 133# but I am TERRIFIED of doing a handstand? It took me about 5 minutes to even attempt doing a handstand without crawling up the wall backwards. I was so grateful to have two inspiring women at my side telling me that I COULD do it, and showing me different techniques to try. I got down, faced my fear, and before I knew it I flung myself up and was in a handstand. I wasn't concerned that I was only up for about 5 seconds, what mattered was that I got over saying " I can't..." I shut up that nagging voice in my head, and I just DID IT! Not only did I get over my fear of handstands, I completed two double unders, and kicked some ass in our WOD despite feeling sick, stressed out, and like I was going to throw up. What I realized is that I rather push through the " I cants" of my life, instead of accepting mediocre. I want to be better than I was yesterday, every single day and the only way to do that is to stop saying " I can't" and start saying " I can"!

Despite crossfit, this week has been super stressful. My mom is having a quadruple bypass done on her heart, and this is exactly what my grandma went through. Heart disease runs in my family, and after going to the doctor about three years ago I found out I also have extremely high cholesterol. I put off doing something about it for way to long, and when my mother initially got sick about a month ago is when I decided I needed to join crossfit. Now, after seeing my mom in the hospital, and seeing what my grandma had gone through, I am scared absolutely shitless. I am literally watching what my future will be like if I keep telling myself " i can't". There is no more time for excuses, it's NOW or NEVER. I made a promise to myself that this was it, the last straw. In March we start the paleo challenge for crossfit which is basically clean eating, and this is where and when the healthy eating is going to kick in and stay a part of my life. I am first and foremost doing this for Myself, because I deserve and want to be healthier and happier, but also, I need to do this for my mom, for my little sister. I need to be the living example of what hard work and healthy look like. I need to do this to save our lives. Can't is a word that is slowly being weened out of my vocabulary. I find myself waking up each day wondering how many things I can accomplish, and being excited about it!


Today I am grateful that my moms surgery was good and she is doing really well! I appreciate everyone who reached out to my family during this time and said prayers, or thoughts for us! Its a wonderful feeling knowing you have a good support system around you!


What are you grateful for today?

xxx,
Hippie_Roots