Can't

My older sister would always tell me " can't is a bigger curse word than fuck" and I always let it pass through my ears, roll my eyes, and think in my head of the long list of shit " I can't" do. I'm slowly learning that my sister was right this whole time. The only reason I "couldn't" do certain things was simply because I told myself I couldn't. I'm understanding that in order to accomplish whatever I want to, I , solely, have to believe I can do it first.

Yesterday I went to crossfit after being away from the box for four days ( felt like a year, honestly ) and my ego was handed to me on a silver platter. Before the WOD we did skill work...double unders, and handstands. Would you believe me if I told you that I can one rep max a back squat at 133# but I am TERRIFIED of doing a handstand? It took me about 5 minutes to even attempt doing a handstand without crawling up the wall backwards. I was so grateful to have two inspiring women at my side telling me that I COULD do it, and showing me different techniques to try. I got down, faced my fear, and before I knew it I flung myself up and was in a handstand. I wasn't concerned that I was only up for about 5 seconds, what mattered was that I got over saying " I can't..." I shut up that nagging voice in my head, and I just DID IT! Not only did I get over my fear of handstands, I completed two double unders, and kicked some ass in our WOD despite feeling sick, stressed out, and like I was going to throw up. What I realized is that I rather push through the " I cants" of my life, instead of accepting mediocre. I want to be better than I was yesterday, every single day and the only way to do that is to stop saying " I can't" and start saying " I can"!

Despite crossfit, this week has been super stressful. My mom is having a quadruple bypass done on her heart, and this is exactly what my grandma went through. Heart disease runs in my family, and after going to the doctor about three years ago I found out I also have extremely high cholesterol. I put off doing something about it for way to long, and when my mother initially got sick about a month ago is when I decided I needed to join crossfit. Now, after seeing my mom in the hospital, and seeing what my grandma had gone through, I am scared absolutely shitless. I am literally watching what my future will be like if I keep telling myself " i can't". There is no more time for excuses, it's NOW or NEVER. I made a promise to myself that this was it, the last straw. In March we start the paleo challenge for crossfit which is basically clean eating, and this is where and when the healthy eating is going to kick in and stay a part of my life. I am first and foremost doing this for Myself, because I deserve and want to be healthier and happier, but also, I need to do this for my mom, for my little sister. I need to be the living example of what hard work and healthy look like. I need to do this to save our lives. Can't is a word that is slowly being weened out of my vocabulary. I find myself waking up each day wondering how many things I can accomplish, and being excited about it!


Today I am grateful that my moms surgery was good and she is doing really well! I appreciate everyone who reached out to my family during this time and said prayers, or thoughts for us! Its a wonderful feeling knowing you have a good support system around you!


What are you grateful for today?

xxx,
Hippie_Roots

Foundation

    The last week has been filled with things and people from my past, and it's funny because life always has a way of throwing curve balls at me when I start to make progress. Instead of getting  mad, or upset that certain people were and always will critize me for changing my life, I decided I was going to address these people in a mature way, and ignore them all together. I have come to the conclusion that if I don't feed into the bullshit anymore, I completely take away anyones power to disrupt me. I am starting to build a better foundation of who I am, and who I want to become in the long term, and short term, which has allowed me to start understanding what I do and do not have time for. I've become so much happier knowing that all the power to be happy, successfull, sad, angry, etc. lies within me, no longer am I controlled by other people's words and actions.
     I have allowed myself to take the daring step of surrounding myself by only people who bring themselves up and those around them; positive vibes. The people who I have met recently are some of the cooliest, most amazing people I have ever met. On a daily basis, these people spend their time focusing on their weakness, and working on them until they become strengths. They uplift those who need it, and push each other past whatever limits we set for ourselves. In one month all of these people have helped to change my life for the better. These are people I can go to for advice, for help, for a laugh, a cry. We go to the box and work out together, but can also go out to eat and have fun. We all talk to each other through out the day, posting things to make each other laugh, inspire eachother, or push someone the extra mile. In five years, I finally feel like I've found a place where I belong. I am starting to build a strong foundation for the person I am, and all the I will become... I am so excited!

Today I am grateful for the date I went on last night. It was so different being taken out on a date with a real man. You know, one with a real job, goals, healthy hobbies. It was nice to be taken out and paid for, and treated like a woman. I have been working my ass off between work and crossfit, so getting out and spending time with someone was really nice! I noticed also, how much more open I was this time around. The first date I went on with this guy I was still really shy, quiet, and nervous. I was confident, out going, and just myself. It made me really grateful for the person I am, and the hard work I have put in to get to this point in life.

What are you grateful for?


xxx,

hippie_roots

Strength

I am officially a crossfitter! I made it through the essential classes, and graduated through the tedious WOD known as FRAN ( 21-15-9 thrusters and pull ups). It was brutal to say the least, but when I finished, and total, complete strangers congratulated me, it finally clicked as to what kind of life I would have because of this journey I was becoming apart of. 

For roughly four years, I have been dealing with the repercussions of a situation I was in for three years,mostly I had become a very shy, quiet, anxiety filled person. I didn't know how to talk to people, and the mere thought of meeting new people would send my anxiety into a fritz and I would shut down. 

Since joining crossfit and being so welcomed by an entire group of strangers,I feel myself becoming more open, not only at crossfit, at work, meeting new people, or even catching up with old friends. I'm starting to realize that despite some flaws, I am pretty awesome! I deserve to have a good life, to be able to believe in myself, but most importantly, I'm learning to not care what other people think or say. I am who I am, those who love me, love me, and those who don't won't. It is such a liberating feeling to know that I am finally putting myself first, my health and happiness. 

"You feel your strength in the experience of pain.” 

― Jim Morrison

 I've spent a lot of time reflecting on who I was then, who I am now, and who I will become tomorrow, and I've come to one hauling conclusion: pain will make me stronger. Everything I went through four years ago has allowed me to reach this point today where I can walk into my box and push myself through physical hell.  Every time I want to give up, I unlock this treasure chest of bad memories and tell myself  " if I can get through 3 years of abuse, I will get through this".  I find myself pushing beyond my limit because I have been on that edge so many times before. Pain is not the enemy. Pain is what makes me grow, gives me strength, courage, and appreciation.  Pain is what is allowing me to discover myself, create myself, and change myself, not only physically but mentally and spiritually. Im generally in a better mood daily as well, whenever something negative tries to creep in, I remind myself of the WODs and the things I accomplish there, because when you accomplish stuff in the box, what you can do out in the World is an endless possibility. 

Today I am grateful for some SNOW finally!  It has been a pretty mild winter, although I don't mind it, I am thrilled to have at least one big blizzard! Snow makes everything look more peaceful, and I love taking pictures of it. I plan to be up for the sunrise and capture some pictures of the untouched snow before everyone wakes up and continues about their lives :) . What are you grateful for this week?

xxx,

Hippie_Roots